


Hanging By A Thread

by MKelly



Category: Hollywood Undead (Band)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 21:03:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19048351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MKelly/pseuds/MKelly
Summary: He had wanted it for so long. He had patiently waited for it to happen for years.But his patience has finally ran out.





	Hanging By A Thread

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AwokenMonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwokenMonster/gifts).



> This is my first time doing a fic about dark thoughts and suicide in quite a bit of time, please be careful while reading this if you are sensitive to any of the topics.
> 
> Without further ado, read on and enjoy c:

The dark thoughts made his head ache, and for a moment the emotions that came with them made his throat clench and made it a struggle for him to breathe. It was a feeling he enjoyed, at least, the struggle of breathing part. For years there was nothing for Dylan, he had no aims or aspirations to do anything amazing. He just existed, and he hoped he wouldn't exist for long. Every night for as long as he remembered, he had went to bed and fallen asleep, praying that some natural cause would make it easier for him. But that was never the case.

His body just wouldn't give in on its own. 

When he opened his eyes that morning the disappointment of still being here was greater than it ever had been. At first it was that, then his eyes watered as he became frustrated at himself. Nothing was ever easy, of course it wasn't. So why should death be easy? Then it was the contemplating thoughts he went through every morning, going through the consequences, the risk factors, who would be hurt by his wish to end his own life? Dylan scoffed to himself. No one. No one gave a shit about him and how he was, that was why damn near everyone in his life didn't know. Whether they were too ignorant and up their own arse to figure it out or if Dylan hid it from them because he knew they'd say the same lines built into everyone's thoughts about the topic. The only person who knew, Danny, didn't know he was this bad.

About a full hour of angrily arguing with himself about what to do, and being alive like he usually would, he got up. Maybe it was longer than an hour, maybe it was almost the whole day he spent there. He didn't know and he didn't care as he stood from the comfy, old mattress. His phone had ran out of battery last night, so he had left it to charge while he got himself ready for the day ahead. But it was like his consciousness had left him as he walked around his home, doing everything he needed to do. His mind only reached reality again when the front door opened, and the singer for their band called out before walking in. Dylan exiting his bedroom and leaving it ajar.

"Hey Danny, what's up?" Dylan sighed, staring at his friend with as much of a lifelike look that he could manage.

"Just thought I'd check up on you, no one has heard from you in a while and your texts yesterday worried me." Dylan frowned as he tried to remember, he had drank a lot of alcohol. Probably hoping he could drink himself to death. He would have checked, but his phone was in his bedroom, still charging. A fake smile was forced onto his face, before it faltered. He didn't want Danny to know the full extent of his illness, but now he couldn't give a shit. It wasn't like Danny cared. Just because he knew didn't mean he cared.

"I'm actually not alright, Danny. But I'm used to the thought of ending everything by now." Honesty was good, and it wasn't like it made a difference now. Nothing made a difference to him.

"Thoughts of ending everything?" First it was shock that displayed itself of the singer's face. And then in recollection of the drunken texts from the night before from Dylan about suicide, his jaw clenched as he stared at the friend in hurt. Finally his heart started to pound as he glared ahead, frustrated suddenly. "Dylan, what the fuck? Why haven't you told anyone about this?"

"Because no one cares, Danny, don't start acting like you do." He snapped back. He could easily just ask Danny to leave, but he felt like neither of them wanted him to.

"People actually do care about you, Dylan? And if you say some stupid fucking shit like that again then don't bother with expecting help." The rapper frowned at the snappy comment, as his heart twisted in pain. He didn't know what the singer meant, if he was intentionally hurting him or not.

"Bullshit." Dylan hissed out, folding his arms across his chest. Hugging himself like he usually would seemed to vulnerable and weak at that point in time. "I bet if I tried no one would even know until it was too late, no one will care or even be surprised."

"Shut the fuck up!" Danny barked out again, his frustrated glare growing. "Stop talking as if I'm not here because I fucking care. You do realise I don't have to take the time out of my fucking day to see if you're alright?"

"Well maybe you shouldn't have." Dylan muttered, shifting on his feet a little and letting his eyes fall from his friend's unimpressed brown ones.

"Are you being serious right now?" Dylan shifted on his feet once again, thinking up his words carefully. It hurt, and he couldn't shake the feeling that his friend was angry at him for thoughts he couldn't control. Throughout his whole life he had been treated like crap, how could anyone care about him? They didn't. For some reason those thoughts never left, screaming in the back of his head along with thoughts of suicide, the noise getting louder inside his brain and making it gradually hurt him more and more. He felt as if he was going insane.

"I mean, yeah." Dylan shrugged. "No one else gives a shit, I don't see why you should." His voice remained low, and his eyes only left the ground briefly.

"Well I do, because believe it or not, I care. And so does everyone else in our band, and our fans, they all fucking care. We all get a bit of hate every once in a while, you think that because it's there you should listen to it?" Only then did Dylan realise how much his lip stung, as his teeth clinged onto it hard enough to tear a strip of the top layer of the skin off. It gave him some form of relief to feel that pain, and it was all he could do right now without Danny yelling at him, it seemed. Why did he seem so mad? It had to be Dylan's fault. He should have kept the singer in the dark just like everyone else, laughed his texts off and say they were the depressed slurs of a drunk person. Not him.

"I'm sorry." His heart clenched as he apologised, arms falling to his sides as his shoulders shaked. The rest of his body did too as he felt like he was about to cave in and fall to his knees. He didn't feel strong enough to keep standing. Small tears made themselves apparent in his eyes, and his teeth sunk back into his lip in an attempt to control the emotions.

"Why are you apologising?" It hurt that the singer actually sounded confused. As if his words, said in frustration, weren't confused for an anger that stabbed his friend with needles of pain. Dylan didn't want to fight, he hated it, and he was always unable to win against Danny anyway. Losing arguments against the singer were the only times where he'd feel powerless and be okay with it. Did this sort of thing count as an argument? He didn't even know. But he didn't have it in him to reply as he stayed where he was, shaking more violently as he felt as though he was growing weaker with emotions. 

His own thoughts were hurting him now, his wish for death to take him now was something that hurt him more than it ever did before. Being under Danny's watchful, calculating gaze didn't help him at all. He felt cold, almost deathly cold. It made no sense when it was warm today, but he felt cold. As if ice cold water ran through his veins instead of hot blood. So when he was pulled into a warm hug by his friend suddenly, he hurried to wrap his arms around the singer. His shaking continued but slowly faded as he buried his face into Danny's shoulder, letting a few tears fall. Everything hurt. It all hurt way too much, but at least he knew Danny cared. At least, he wished he could believe that as he pushed his face further against the area of Danny's shoulder. 

A shaky sigh left the band's singer as he held the rapper closer, pouring his heart into the hug as he moved his head to rest on the other man's shoulder. The only noise that could be heard was Dylan's choked back cries as he tried to get himself together, but he wouldn't. Danny could tell that he'd be stuck in this hug until all of Dylan's pain left him through the tears of a broken man. It let him observe the apartment. 

He had seen it enough times to know nothing was different, it was his friend's usual organised mess as he lacked any motivation to clean up. A small smile made its way to Danny's face when he remembered the first time he saw Dylan's home, thinking he was too lazy to clean up after himself. Then when he learned about Dylan's mental health, he realised how wrong of him it was to call the male lazy. Then his dark eyes travelled to the bedroom door, left slightly open. His smile instantly dropped from his face as his eyes grew in horror at what he could see. His heart suddenly racing as he stared at the rope hanging from the ceiling, tied into the shape of a noose. A chair stood just below it.

His stomach flipped as he stared for longer than he wanted to, finding it hard to look away. He moved his arms further around his friend, pulling him tighter against his body and burying his nose and mouth into Dylan's mess of hair. As if the male would disappear from his grip if he wasn't holding on tight enough. He didn't want Dylan to die. He didn't want anyone to die. He would never let his friend kill himself. Danny attempted to tighten the hug again, letting his eyes water a little as he held onto Dylan for dear life. The demons of the rapper's mind reduced to a whisper as he finally felt his mind relax in Danny's comforting hold.


End file.
